One Fell Swoop

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confessed that he was indeed the mastermind behind some 31 terror attacks, including those on 9/11.



Mohammed also confessed to the beheading of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl, who was abducted in Pakistan in 2002.



Mohammed added that he tried to kill Pope John Paul II, President Bill Clinton, and Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf.



Mohammed also said that he planned the 2002 terror bombing of a Kenya beach resort frequented by Israelis and the failed missile attack on an Israeli passenger jet after it took off from Mombasa, Kenya.



Mohammed confessed further that he was responsible for the 2002 terror bombing of a nightclub in Bali, Indonesia.



Mohammed said also that he planned additional terror attacks against the Sears Tower in Chicago, the Empire State Building and New York Stock Exchange, the Panama Canal, Big Ben and Heathrow Airport in London, the San Diego Zoo, the European road company of "Cats," that small French village where Johnny Depp lives, and the original Wendy's restaurant in Columbus, Ohio.



Mohammed additionally confessed that it was he who leaked Valerie Plame's name to Robert Novak.



Mohammed also added that he helped engineer voter fraud in Ohio in 2004.



Mohammed further said that it was he, not Dick Cheney, who shot Harry Whittington while quail hunting in 2006.



Mohammed confessed also to flooding New Orleans and helping to block relief efforts through his agents in FEMA.



Mohammed admitted too that he broke up the marriage of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, and bribed Spears with terror money to shave her head.



Mohammed additionally claimed responsibility for any or all horrible, criminal, destructive, barbarous, or embarrassing incidents that have taken place, or will in the near future.



Mohammed said further that you are getting sleepy, very sleepy . . .



Mohammed also picked the Florida Gators to repeat as NCAA national basketball champions.