Imussed

"[Imus] would have to lose everything before being that honest [about his racism], and even then it might be a stretch. But that's not going to happen -- not this time around, anyway. Despite all the ass-covering, tsk-tsk rhetoric, so long as American elites want him as their court jester, Don Imus's career is not only safe, it is sanctified."

So wrote the psychic Son on Tuesday. And what happens? Imus does lose everything. Far from being sanctified, the crusty court jester's cap and bells have been taken and torched in a highly-staged act of corporate "contrition." As CBS chief Leslie Moonves piously put it to his employees, "At the end of the day, the integrity of our company and the respect that you feel for CBS becomes the most important consideration." Oh yeah. Can't you feel the moral power? The Rev. Moonves went on to say that Imus "has flourished in a culture that permits a certain level of objectionable expression that hurts and demeans a wide range of people," and that sacking him was the first step in "changing that culture, which extends far beyond the walls of our company."

Of course, Rev. Moonves didn't explain why CBS carried Imus's show for as long as it did, subsidizing countless hours of racist, sexist chatter, or why instead of just firing the old hack from the get-go, it placed Imus on a two-week suspension. But then, the road to Damascus is a winding one, and not everyone can see the hallowed light and convert at the same time.

The loss of significant ad revenue helped to clarify matters as well; and once MSNBC dropped Imus, that was it, for there was no way that CBS radio was going to be the sole hold-out. Besides, who would now appear on Imus's show and trade quips with the center of so much negative attention? More to the point, who would sponsor the show in the face of all this media-amplified hostility? I confess that I didn't see Imus getting hit this hard, but looking at the chain of events, it makes perfect sense. Mix in some high-falutin' bombast a la Leslie Moonves and the scenario is complete. In America, you can't simply say that you fucked up or tried to get away with something for as long as you could before getting slammed. That's too open-ended and morally vague. We require absolutist, hand-over-heart closures amid rippling flags and sacred light pouring down from Heaven. Most people see right through this, but expect and demand it anyway. In a nation of hypocrites, the emptiest gesture usually prevails.

So, barring a possible move to satellite radio, Don Imus is through, and we can get on with the other, many distractions from the real world that is the American way. Praise white Jesus!

If you desire some decent racial comedy, check this clip from "Hollywood Shuffle", featuring Robert Townsend:



And of course, the great Dave Chappelle, who is so well-spoken:



Especially in this scene. Imus, you haven't a fucking clue.