Freedom Don't Burn

Tired of the noxious fumes emanating from all those burning American flags? Seems you can't walk three feet these days without gagging on thick Old Glory smoke. And what about our children? How can they say the Pledge of Allegiance at school this fall when countless America-haters are defiling the very symbol that they pray to?

Thankfully, the US House of Representatives stepped in to stop this national nightmare, approving a Constitutional amendment to criminalize flag burning, 286-130. Now it's up to the Senate to seal the legal deal and put an end to this traitorous vandalism.

Don't you feel safer already? Our enemies, both foreign and domestic, must be shuddering in the face of our strong national resolve. As for those 130 pro-jihadist quislings who voted against defending our flag, their time will come. Our Imperial Christian State will not be slowed nor pulled down by their bottomless self-hatred. Soon, our pro-American God will give the faithful the sign.

Of course, once this amendment is law, there will be need for strict enforcement. After all, traitors never sleep, driven as they are by an anti-American madness that defies all clinical definitions. Thus, I propose that pro-flag squads be formed in communities nationwide, perhaps 8-10 patriots per squad, driving extra-wide pick-ups through residential neighborhoods, searching for any trace of flag desecration. Burning is the least of it: people caught wearing American flag neckerchiefs, bikinis, hats, patches on jeans, or any variation thereof, should be detained and questioned, and if deemed insufficiently patriotic, turned over to the authorities and considered potentially pro-terrorist.

But these squads shouldn't stop at helping to enforce the new law -- they must make sure that those citizens who display the flag outside their homes do so with proper reverence. Weekly checks to see if each flag is clean, untattered, and set at the right height will do wonders in our fight against tyranny. Also, those homes that do not display the flag will be considered suspect and will be monitored closely. This may include going through that home's garbage or mailbox in an attempt to find incriminating materials, but such tactics must be agreed upon in private squad meetings. As for homes that display American flags with "peace" signs in the star field, or homosexual rainbow flags, or UN/world "peace" flags, well, the less said for now, the better. We don't want to tip off the enemy.

So rise up, Mr. and Mrs. America! A New Dawn approaches! One nation, one flag, one people!